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From Gun-Free to Blade-Free: Australia’s Masterclass in Missing the Point
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the newest contestant on the international stage of “Let’s Ban Objects Instead of Fixing Crime”: Australia. Already famous for turning gun control into a national pastime, Australia has taken it up a notch by now banning knives. Yes, actual kitchen and garden tools are being phased out in parts of the country because of—you guessed it—gang violence.
Most nations might respond to rising youth crime with reforms, better policing, or perhaps investing in mental health and education. Australia? Nah. They’re out here waging war on cutlery.
What Sparked This Global Joke?
After a gang of machete-wielding teens tore through a shopping mall in Victoria like they were auditioning for a low-budget horror film, lawmakers decided that the real issue wasn’t violent behavior—it was the tools involved. As if banning the machetes used in one fight will magically delete the criminal intent behind it.
So, the state of Victoria has made it illegal to sell machetes (unless you’re a blessed gardener or bushman). Come September 1, 2025, it will also be illegal to possess them without permission. You can now go to prison for two years or pay a $46,000 AUD fine for having the same blade you used last week to trim the hedges. Because that is how you solve violent crime—ask the shrubs.
The World Reacts: Wait, They’re Serious?
Meanwhile, the rest of the world is staring at Australia like, “You okay down there?” It’s the same country that told law-abiding citizens to turn in their firearms in the 1990s, and now that knife crime is climbing, they’re playing legislative whack-a-mole with machetes. But don’t worry—baseball bats, tire irons, and sharpened screwdrivers are probably next.
From Europe to the U.S., Australians are being held up as either a model of safety or a cautionary tale of what happens when governments go full nanny state. And spoiler alert: most people with common sense are leaning toward the latter.
Knives Today, Toothpicks Tomorrow
The disturbing part isn’t just that these bans are happening—it’s how casually they’re being accepted. Lawmakers act like banning knives is some kind of enlightened evolution, when in reality it’s just another step down a slippery slope. After all, if you can ban guns and knives to stop violence, why stop there? Rocks can hurt people. So can belts. Or fists. Or thoughts, apparently.
Citizens around the world should take note: when you give your government the green light to ban objects instead of enforcing accountability, you end up with absurdities like this. The solution to crime isn’t a weapon ban—it’s addressing the root causes. But that would require work, nuance, and admitting the last few bans didn’t actually work.
How It’s Going vs. How It Started
Australia started its journey into utopian safety theater with the National Firearms Agreement in 1996. Hailed as the ultimate fix, it was supposed to eliminate mass shootings and usher in an era of peace. And while mass shootings dropped, violent crime evolved. Now it’s stabbings, gang fights, and machetes in shopping centers. But rather than rethink their failed strategy, Australia just keeps banning things like a government playing whack-a-mole with civil liberties.
The Global Lesson Here? Wake Up.
If you live in a free country, take this as a cautionary tale. The road to disarmament doesn’t stop at rifles. It just starts there. The global anti-gun movement loves to point to Australia as a success story, but what they really mean is: “Look how far we can push the envelope.” If you think banning AR-15s will be the end of it, you haven’t been paying attention.
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